Staff: Hi, can I help you?

Patron: Uh, yeah. I got this book and it needs to go back.

Staff: Alright, I can shelve that for you. No problem. The staff member takes the book.

Patron: Thank you.

<The patron then stares at the staff member without saying anything or moving.>

Staff: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Patron: What’s everyone doin’ on the key-tars?

Staff: Excuse me?

Patron: What’s everyone doin’ on the key-tars?

Staff: I’m sorry, could you repeat that one more time?

Patron: What’s those people doing on the computers?

Staff: Oh. They are probably just using the internet.

Patron: Oh, ok. <dramatic pause> What’s the internet?

Staff: Oh. Wow. That’s… hard to explain. Let me… try to find a good definition.

<The staff member then show’s the patron Dictionary.com’s definition of the internet: a vast computer network linking smaller computer networks worldwide (usually prec. by the). The Internet includes commercial, educational, governmental, and other networks, all of which use the same set of communications protocols.>

Staff: Ok, this is a little complicated. Let me see… The internet… is… a bunch of computers… connected together… so that they can exchange things like information and advertising.

Patron: Oh, ok. Thanks.

<Patron remains staring at the staff member, not talking or moving>

Staff: Anything else I can help you with, sir?

Patron: <gestures at book> Could you shelve that?

Staff: Err, sure. Right this… way.

After helping a wide variety of patrons (stinky, inept, drunk, irate, etc. ) at a public library (which shall remain anonymous) found it necessary to record the multitude of amusing, sometimes irrational, comments and events that occur on almost a daily basis.� Since we’ve been keeping a patron quote list for about a year now quite a few gems of knowledge have been gathered and we would like to share.� Here’s a quote to start off the blog…

Patron: Do you have any events going on?

Staff: As in right now or this week?

Patron: Right now

Staff: We don’t have any going on at this moment, but we have them periodically throughout the months…

Patron: So what’s the library for then, just books?

Staff: Well, that is the main function of the library…